...my heart shattered

One thing that has been really amazing about our move back home is that Nick is attending my old elementary school. It's been a total trip for both us.
For me, seeing him walk the same halls and grow in the same place I spent 6 years is like a daily walk through Bizarro-world. Super cool, but really surreal.
For his part, he loves telling me about things they did that day or things that happened, and then asking if I did the same thing when I was there. "Mommy, did you have assemblies in the auditorium when you were here?", "Did you have to color in the morning when you were here?" I love it.
So we were getting in the car yesterday afternoon and he tells me he doesn't want to go to school Thursday. Of course I asked why, and his response was "because we have lockdown drill Thursday and I don't want to do it." After comparing it to a fire drill and explaining the importance of being prepared for an emergency, even if it never happens, I thought the conversation was done. He had moved on to talking about Star Wars already.
Then about 5 minutes down the road, he drops this little nugget on me. "Mom, during lockdown, we all have to go into the bathroom and be super quiet. We can't make any noise, because if we do the bad guy will find us and shoot the door down."
My heart shattered.
"Why do you say that buddy?" (While trying not to sound like my heart had just broken into a million tiny pieces all over my crumb covered floorboard)
"That's what our teacher said." But here's why he really got me...

"Mommy, did you have lockdown when you were here?"

Crickets.
I couldn't answer.
What do I say?
No baby. We didn't. We didn't need them because people didn't go into schools and randomly, senselessly take the lives of innocent precious babes.
We didn't need them, baby, because your elementary school and my elementary school are two very different worlds despite being the same building.
I wanted to say those things. I almost did. But I was completely heartbroken over the loss of his innocence. I understand and appreciate the necessity of the lockdown drill, and even the teacher who told the class why it was so important they be quiet. God forbid, were the worst to ever happen, I want my boy to know exactly what to do and how to be safe.
But my heart hurts at the reality of it all. I'm saddened THAT it's a necessity, but mostly I'm saddened by the fact that my 6 year old knows of these horrors now.
No baby, we didn't have lockdown. Our worries were of coloring and recess and lunchboxes. No thoughts of bad guys. No cares for lockdown drills.
Hug your babes. Laugh with them. Play with them. BE with them. They are babes for such a short time before the real world comes crashing in on then (and you).